Being right is highly valued in our society. We are taught from an early age that we need to have the right answers, the right beliefs, the right friends, the right . . . yeah, you know. I’m sure you’ve experienced it in some form or another.
Being right was especially valued in my family. My father was always right. Always. Granted, he was a very well-educated, well-read man, who actually did have the correct facts most of the time. His memory and recall of information were extremely impressive. But his views and opinions were also always right too – even when they, umm, weren’t.
So, yes, you guessed it. I learned that it was really important to be right too. Now, being right is great when I’m dealing with facts, with information. It’s wonderful to be able to have and share knowledge and information to help other people solve problems or learn more about our world.
However, there comes a time in our lives when we have to make a choice – especially in our relationships with others.
Is the relationship more important than being right?
The answer, more often than not, is that the relationship is more important. What’s the point of fighting about who’s right, when all it means is that both sides lose?
“Being right” is a way that we defend ourselves. It’s a way that we keep from being vulnerable, from being hurt or taken advantage of. It’s also a way that we protect ourselves from seeing someone else’s perspective, from having to admit we were “wrong”. Yikes! The terror of that.
“Being right” is often so ingrained in who we are, in how we view ourselves, that it’s hard to let it go.
But what I’ve learned (and continue to learn) is that in a state of Transcendence, being right isn’t all that important. Transcendence means rising above, and one of the biggest things that I’ve had to rise above is “being right”.
Does that mean that I don’t care about facts, don’t care about the truth? No, not at all. If anything, it makes me more concerned about truth. The key is what truth?
The real truth is that clinging to “being right” stops me from being free to explore ideas, to change my mind, beliefs, and opinions. “Being right” keeps me from listening to others, and, importantly, it keeps me from extending mercy and grace.
It’s pretty hard to have good relationships with other people if you can’t extend mercy and grace.
Not too long ago, I told my stepson that our relationship couldn’t be based on both of us behaving perfectly all the time because that was impossible. None of us is perfect.
What I realized after I said that was it meant that both of us had to give up on “being right”, on being self-righteous when we were treated badly by the other. We had to extend mercy and grace to each other. It’s the grease that makes the wheels of relationships run.
Living in Transcendence, living a life of meaning, allows us to rise above the beliefs, conditioning and ideas that keep us small, that keep us disconnected from Source and each other. Being right is one of those beliefs.
Being right is great . . . Until it isn’t.
Today, I know it’s not always so great.
Today, my relationships are more important than “being right”.
Today, I choose Transcendence.
How about you?
If you’d like to have a conversation about how “being right” is playing out in your life, Click here to schedule a call. I’d love to explore that with you.